Sharkbait
by SwordStitcher
Summary: The Riddler doesn't take kindly to being told no. Penguin has information he wants and no just isn't going to cut it. The solution? Send one incompetent lackey to get it. Dead Switch drags Reaper along for the ride.
1. over the top much?

A/N: Once again, L.D. and I had a discussion and this happened. It's been a while since Switch had been on a mission, and after the duff problems she's had, Reaper owes her some favours.

Reaper belongs to L.D. Switch belongs to me. Batman belongs to...Batman.

* * *

'This is insane! Why am I with you again?'

'Because I need a partner who isn't going to get us caught within fifteen minutes! Now will you _please_ be quiet and let me concentrate on picking the lock?'

The Riddler lived on information. It was his own private currency, nothing and no-one got past him and his informants. He knew everything that happened in the criminal underworld before it happened, but that relied on the continual flow of information towards him.

Of course The Riddler would constantly need information, information that Penguin just wasn't going to give him. Edward Nigma was unable to comprehend the word no, at least when it was directed at him.

Which was why he'd sent an unlucky lackey to break in and get the information he wanted and that unfortunate lackey just had to be Dead Switch. If she managed to pull this off it may just redeem the spate of failures she'd been involved in recently.

To name but a few was the unfortunate job they'd teamed up with Scarecrow to do and then there was the date from hell and corpse duty….God. Clarice owed her for _that_. It was a chitty she'd immediately called in when she heard she was expected to break into the Iceberg.

_The bloody Iceberg Lounge. _

'Switch, you're serious, aren't you? We're breaking into the Iceberg Lounge?' Clarice's tone became nervous, as though Penguin was watching them pick the loading bay door.

'Abso-fuckin'-lutely.' Switch replied. 'You backing out already? Cause I know of a certain Reaping rogue who needs brownie points with her Riddling boyfriend.'

'You've been cooped up with him too much, you're alliterating.' Clarice said bluntly.

'Oh god, am I?' Switch muttered in horror, the wires relaxed inside the keyhole while she digested the information. 'I need a hobby that doesn't involve Riddles, murder or mutilation.'

'Amen to that.' Reaper snickered. 'Hurry up before someone sees us!'

The lock yielded with an audible click and Switch grinned in triumph. With enthusiasm borne from knowing she was screwed twiceover if she were caught she wrenched the door open.

As expected, Cobblepot had forked out for the best security system money could buy and a sensor by the door had registered their presence.

The casing was a bitch to get off, but once Switch had the wires exposed, she swiftly confused the signals and tricked it into not seeing them.

The club was pitch black and eerily silent for a place that usually bustled when Switch and Reaper dropped by.

The two intruders crept silently along, aware of each and every creak and groan.

'We need to be quiet, very quiet.' Switch whispered. 'And keep out of the way of the shark.'

'_Shark?_'

'You've never been introduced to Tiny? He's like Cobblepot's garbage disposal and guard dog in one.'

'Penguin keeps a damn shark in here?' Clarice's eyes darted around in the dark, much to Switch's evil delight.

The corridors seemed to be lined with fish tanks, the eerie glow of the floodlights rippled and swirled along the floor and left it in pale blue light. Shoals of fish were scared away from the glass by the steady moving shadows.

They finally happened upon the main bar. Fountains splashed and gurgled to themselves as the neon lights of the bar intermingled with the floodlights from the fish tanks.

'Y-you were joking when you said he had a shark, right? You can't keep a shark in a bar! I'm sure it's a law!' Clarice whispered desperately, as though trying more to reassure herself than accept the truth.

'It's Penguin.' Switch whispered slowly. 'When has he _ever_ obeyed laws?'

The office was, conventionally, behind the bar. The door was protected by another sensor that needed to be bypassed.

'Watch my back while I open this up.' Switch whispered as she pulled her knife and gently began wiggling the casing open. Clarice moved in front of her exposed back as she ripped the metal apart to get at the circuitry underneath.

For a few minutes, there was nothing said.

'You were pulling my leg, weren't you, Switch?' Clarice whispered nervously.

'About what?' Switch grunted as she fought with the mechanism.

A shadow flitted across the glass of a large tank which caused Clarice's nerves to skyrocket. 'About the shark? You were trying to freak me out, weren't you?'

'No 'Rice, I really wasn't!' Switch snarled in frustration. 'Now will you be quiet before a patrol hears-'

Reaper suddenly crashed into her with a strangled yell.

'What is your damn drama, woman?' Switch snapped as she attempted to pry Clarice's hands from around her constricted chest.

'Something moved! Something in the fish tank!'

'Of course it did you moron, it's a fish tank!' She finally succeeded and somewhat angrily turned back to disabling the security.

The semi-darkened corridor fell into uneasy silence. She could hear Clarice's short, nervous breath and damn it, it was making her nervous.

'Will you pack it in? I need to concentrate.'

With a spark, the security system on the door shut down.

She reached into her jacket and unfurled a set of lockpicks. Normally, she was able to pick a lock with just about anything that could retain a shape, but Cobblepot's doors were designed to resist attempts to manipulate their locks. She really didn't want to have to deal with inferior tools as well.

They were tough, but not unpickable. Within minutes she'd tricked the lock into disengaging and straightened, much to the relief of her aching spine. The door was flung open in accomplishment to a room unlike any other.

Oswald Cobblepot's public office was rather surprising to them, although it really shouldn't have been. Three of the four walls had been taken up by huge glass windows holding back a ton of water and aquatic life.

The desk and dark leather chair was shrouded in blue tint. Occasionally a wave of light would roll over them.

It was, in all honesty highly impressive.

'Come on, lets get it and go.' She walked into the office and was immediately bathed in blue light. It took her a good few seconds to work out Clarice hadn't followed. 'Come on!' She hissed forcefully.

'No.' Clarice stammered.

'What? _What do you mean no?!_' Switch seemed utterly furious at Clarice's absolute refusal to go into Penguin's office, simply because three of the four walls were glass, allowing one to see into the intricate network of tanks Cobblepot had sank money into. She noticed the problem as a shadow flitted across the floor and Tiny came into view. Reaper seemed to shrink back. 'Alright, what is your problem? It's a freaking shark behind freaking glass!'

'You wouldn't understand.' Clarice sulked.

'I'm trying to!' Switch snarled.

'I...I Had an incident at the aquarium a year ago and I can't-'

_'An incident_.' Her tone flatlined when she realised where it was going.

'Jonathan's toxin works in water too you know! And- and some of it leaked into the shark tank-' Clarice seemed to have paled as she explained, shaking with fear.

'Fine, fine! You can stay out here.' She sighed. 'Just watch for signs of people.'

Reaper all but sagged in relief.

'I just know I'm going to regret this.' Switch muttered to herself as she re-entered the office and made for the computer on the desk.


	2. Counting sheep, not sharks

A/N: Stitcher (occasionally known as Double S, generally known as that bad writer there) would like to stand with L.D. Eddy in regards to her issues involving gay people and writing. In that regard, not every thug one sees is a heterosexual steroid fiend. The occasional badass will dance at the other end of the ballroom. Also: Sharks, what an odd thing to be afraid of. Silly Reaper.

* * *

Things were quiet in the corridor, hardly a thing moved. Occasionally, something in a tank went _glorp_ and caused her some alarm, but there were no sharks, thank god. Clarice Shawe, the Reaper, settled back against the door and felt the weight of tiredness settle with her.

Exactly how long was Switch going to take? If it was Edward, they would be making their escape by now, but Switch just wasn't on his league, especially at hacking computers. It took her considerably longer.

Inescapably, her eyes began to slide shut. Urgh. That was all because Edward wouldn't let her sleep last night and then Switch had all but kidnapped her before she could get a solid few hours. It was _so_ hard to keep her eyes open when things were _so_ boring.

And with nought but a snore, Clarice mastered the art of sleeping upright, against a wall.

* * *

'Who is that? Outside the boss' door?' The thugs huddled in a group as they patrolled noted the sleeping Reaper snoring lightly against a wall. It took them a good few seconds to remember that no-one should be in The Iceberg at night, apart from them.

'Dunno, but she's got a friend, look.' They watched as another slid out of Penguin's office and began shaking the sleeper in anger.

'I recognise that scarf, that's Riddler's motif!'

'Hey, hey you're right! And the other one's his bitch! Wait…You know the word _motif?!'_

'I been taking classes.' He defended. ' 'N this ain't the time! They're in boss' office!'

'What kind of classes?'

'Gay classes Rodney! Classes for gay people, now can you go and sound the alarm?'

'Wait, wait Steve, you're gay?!'

'You got a problem with gay people, brah?'

'No! No, absolutely not! Sounding the alarm…'

Steve watched Rodney the homophobe run towards the trigger alarm with distaste. Oh well, now Rodney was going to be careful around him. Steve had no idea why, it wasn't like Rodney was even his type. He wasn't ever going to have a type again if they didn't catch the intruders. The Penguin does not like to be disappointed, nor does he like people who broke into his precious nightclub left alive.

It beggared belief that someone would attempt to break into The Iceberg knowing this, what with Tiny and Steve's band of security guards. It was almost certain death and it had been a good six months since anyone had tried to gain unauthorised entry.

Just how stupid were these people?

* * *

'Clarice! Reaper! For gods sakes wake up you stupid cow and-' Switch was shaking her viciously but the sleepy woman was only barely awake.

'Whuzzat? Whuzzat noise? Is that the tripwire 'gain?'

'Wake up, wake up, wake the fuck up!' Switch slapped her across the face and Clarice finally started coming to her bemused senses.

'You hit me!' She seethed.

'If you haven't noticed, that's an alarm sounding! I asked you to do _one _thing!' Switch seethed as she pulled her friend along the eerily lit corridor, away from the strains of boots and shouting.

Thugs were appearing from every junction as Switch dragged her land-of-nod friend behind her. Slowly, very slowly, they were blocking off their exits.

Switch rounded a corner and slammed Clarice into a tiny alcove. She hastily forced her own body inside; it was a tight fit, very tight for a woman verging on anorexic. Her hand clapped itself around her friend's mouth as dozens of heavy set and heavy armed figures rushed past their hiding spot.

Hidden as they were, Switch could hear the conversation that was happening just ahead of them.

'They're not here, Steve. We can't find them. They could have slipped past us, but I doubt it.'

'Alright, seal off all th' exits and squeeze them out. Check everywhere.'

'Hey, Rodney sez yer gay Steve, is that true?'

'What of it?'

'I got a brother that swings that way. Gets bullied a lot. Man, ignore that douche Rodney.'

'Hah, thanks man. Now get them found before Penguin buggers _me_.'

Oh god, really? That was disturbingly intimate and Switch really didn't ever want to hear that again.

She was too busy listening to the conversation which had now thankfully turned into guard positions and plans to find them when Clarice suddenly became violent in their confined space. Palms and elbows thrashed and connected with her shoulder, her ribs and her arms as Reaper's huge feet stomped and kicked. She was forced to pull her hand away from her mouth and Clarice gave a terrified scream that must have been heard by at least three different thugs.

As swiftly as she'd struck out, Clarice grabbed Switch and practically tried to climb her as she flailed with the extra weight.

'What the hell is wrong with you?!' Switch hollered now there was no point in being quiet; Reaper had effectively given away their hiding spot.

'It's back!' She shrieked as a boot used Switch's bony hip to hoist her further in the air.

_Not the fucking shark again..._

Yes, it was the shark; it was flitting in and out of view in the tank opposite them and occasionally turned to thrash at the glass.

_Of all the things to be afraid of…._

Switch could practically hear the low wailing that Clarice was emitting, but what concerned her far more were the sounds of several voices getting closer to them. If she didn't move now then they would be trapped.

'We're stuck! We're going to die! Goddamn-' She didn't get to finish, Reaper climbed higher; all but standing on the petite woman's shoulders. 'What the fuck're you doing?' Switch hissed.

'Getting away from the shark!' Clarice snapped back.

Switch couldn't see a thing, but over the shouting thugs she could hear the squeaking twist and grind of metal. It almost always reminded her of nails down a chalk-board and she winced.

It happened almost at the same time. Clarice's weight suddenly disappeared from her shoulders and the heavy metal grille of a ventilation shaft impacted her lower back on it's decent.

'In the vent! In the vent now!' Clarice whispered harshly. Switch didn't need to be told twice. She grasped the downstretched hand and grunted as Reaper hauled her into the confined space. 'Fuck Switch, you put on some weight!' Clarice huffed.

'Oh really?!' Switch hissed. 'You _want_ an argument over who weighs more?'

They leaned against the cold metal of the shaft and breathed.

'What do we do now?'

'How am I supposed to know?' Reaper demanded.

'You were the one that was screaming "In the vents!" I assumed you had a plan!'

'You assumed wrong.'

Switch sighed and headbutted the sheet metal. Now that they weren't in danger, how screwed were they? Well her little tinkering of the security beams was a neat job and probably wouldn't leave anything useable in the way of fingerprints. She'd also taken the time while in Penguin's office to disable a lot of the security functions and erase the last night's worth of CCTV so their arses were safe that way, but they still had to make it out without being seen and worse, shot.

Maybe these vents led somewhere closer to an exit? They definitely led away from the mass of thugs that had swarmed on Reaper's screaming and that was all Switch wanted at present.

* * *

A/N two: Sorry for the flip floppyness of this chapter, normally I write from on perspective only but Sassy Gay Thug and his rival Rodney were just too tempting to play with. Oh god, too tempting. But yes, Steve and Rodney are now here to stay. Yay?


End file.
